Hi Tifflighters! Today is a special day - it's by birthday! The 1st anniversary of my 29th birthday to be exact. I'm forcing my family to watch an episode (or more than one...) with me today. Birthday rules and all. I hope everyone is staying safe!
Well, right off the bat, "You're about to meet a hypochondriac." I have a feeling this is going to be *very* relevant. We meet Walter, who is afraid of everything (telephone, other people, dirt, drafts and everything else to be precise). Based on Rod's monologue it sounds like Walter is a narcissist too as his only concern is himself and he wonders how society would survive without him.
I hate him already. But I've said that before an changed my mind. I don't think I will this time.
A doctor is taking his vitals and tells him literally, everything is fine. Walter is having back pain and can't sleep, he's told this is psychosomatic. There is nothing wrong with him. Walter calls the doctor an idiot, and he blames his wife for his issues.
Yeah, hate him. He calls her names as well as the doctor a quack and says "She can't wait to see me gone." Neither can I, Walter.
The doctor tells Walter's wife to take a few vitamins because she looks rundown herself. Well, anyone would married to Walter.
Walter is back to complaining that there is a draft and does she know how many germs are in a cubic foot of air? That she wants him to die because she leaves the window open. I mean...
Walter is such a whiny manchild. He's mad that the doctor gave his wife vitamins and not him. That they are colluding together.
He wants to know why a man has to die, why is a man's life so short? He's basically convinced he's going to die today.
Questioning why can't a man live 200, 500 years to the air around him, he gets an answer "Why not 1,000?" And in appears... a man.
No like he fades in. First of all, cool. But look at the time period this was shot!! 1959, that's not digital folks!
Walter still hasn't realized there's a guy randomly in the room. In true self-absorbed style. (I may pull a muscle at all the eye rolling I'm doing in this episode.) A few minutes later, he notices the guy as he introduces himself as Mr. Cadwallader, at least that's his name this month.
Mr. Cadwallader cuts to the chase - they each have something the other wants and he's making a proposition. He knows Walter wants a long lifespan, and what he wants from Walter is small, tiny, itty bitty.
His soul.
Saw it coming. Walter, ever the genius, figures out he is the devil immediately.
The devil admits yes, he is. But he can give him immortality and indestructibility. He tells Walter he won't even miss his soul, and after being asked if there are hidden clauses he tells Walter no there aren't. That he will also look the same. Because of course Walter asks about his looks.
Devil agrees to throw in barely aging, and that Walter won't regret this until his dying day - which won't be for several thousand years.
But there is one thing. And he produces a contract - Article 93. It's an escape clause. If he gets tired of living, he can exercise the clause by calling upon him and he will have an uncomplicated departure. Walter assures him he won't need it.
The devil produces a pen (pretty sure it was sleight of hand). The devil signs the contract with a smoking brand and vanishes after saying it's awfully hot.
Walter tests out his new skills by touching the flaming hot radiator. No pain, no blisters, nothing. He throws open the window, and his wife is shocked to see him leaning out the window.
Basically, Walter starts doing stupid shit like jumping in front of trains, busses, etc and collecting settlement money from each. He's no longer getting excitement from any of it and is unhappy.
Yeah, I'm not ever going to like this guy.
The only excitement he got out of life was constantly thinking he was dying. So he decided to mix up some different household poisons, including ammonia and drink it. Much to his wife's horror.
Nothing.
His wife JUST NOW thinks to act about what's going on. He tells her, and she doesn't believe him of course. And then he blames her for not having enough excitement in his life. So he decides to jump off the roof. Like an sane person.
"Walter come back to the apartment. I'll make you a potato pancake. You love potato pancakes."
"Ethel, you're a potato pancake."
I'm using this as an insult now!
Ethel falls off the roof instead and... well. You know. Pancake.
He calmly calls 911 while smoking a cigarette, and says he KILLED HIS WIFE. So he can try the electric chair.
I hope he gets life in prison.
His lawyer interviews him and says he thinks Walter WANTS to go to jail. Well... yeah.
Walter is sentenced to life in prison, no parole.
YES!! *happy dance*
The devil shows back up, quoting thousands of years in his life. Then he fades back in, but we can see right through him. Awesome effects.
Walter is enacting his escape clause, and he has a heart attack.
Closing thoughts:
I never liked Walter, and I think he got off too easily. I do love the realization that living forever (or almost) would get boring. Being indestructible takes the thrill out of things. My friends, we are not indestructible so live each day to it's fullest. Even inside.
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